Rollin in the deep: Pt I.

I feel like I'm just fckin' foolin everybody everytime I be flashin a smile. I try to convince myself that shit, I got a real ass smile, I'm okay, yeah, I'm happy, I got it but if I really take the time to evaluate myself and what's goin on deep inside my mind & my heart I realize that there's alot of pain and issues. Lately I've been catchin myself gettin real emotional about things and stressin on how life will never be like it used to be, or... mostly cus I ain't like how I used to be.  I was that girl who was real strong, kept shit movin when times was hard and always tried to lean towards the side where the grass was always green. Now I feel like there's only shades of brown left and no matter how hard I try to water it down, shit won't ever come back to life.