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Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
what the fck is this.
current mood: bittersweet.
current song: musiq soulchild - someone.
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it was basically my second, or third week of school for my senior year, which wasn't that bad. i had some make-up but i managed to catch up with all the kiddies. honestly, i feel like i'm repeating myself, with all this re-do shit. kinna sad... that's just what i get for fckin' up. & i know that i am the one accountable for every mistake. learning is a step-to-step process, right? my teachers are pretty chill tho, so that's a plus. & i always had something to look forward to once school was over... thanks for the rides home & making the family dinner table a bit more resilient baby. ♥
on the third week, i was excited for the welcome back carnival on Friday, cos you know, PASSION, is finna come through! i was freakin' ecstatic when i heard about him on the bulletin. he's such an inspiring artist. once it finally came, i invited my boothang to come along, cos he's awesome. i saw hecka old heads there. i miss all you guyyyys, btw! franklin and valleeey heads. that's wsup. then, i got my wristband for rides... & thought about which ones should i pursue first. however, it all got all interrupted when i heard Passion was going to come through in 10 minutes. therefore, i waited outside the railing which surrounded the stage, & squeezed my way through to get a clear viewing. after waiting awhile... there was two fckin' retards who decided to knockout when there's like hecka cops everywhere. they got arrested. which serves them right. finally, waiting for a long period of time, we got a phonecall projecting in the microphone from Passion, saying that he's already on Calvine which is like... 3 minutes away from Sheldon. however, the whole fckin' thang got called off, cos the cops got fed-up. we were forced to leave the premises. i was mad & disappointed.
since the carnival got done with, i asked my friend Najee what his plans were, & he was craving jamba juice. which sounded really goood at the time... but then again, it sounds bomb all the damn time in my book. so, babe & i walked to the car in plans of meeting up our favorite blacky, & along the way, we see our friend Anthony comin' by with some concerning news about his lil breh Eric. fckin' ridiculous though. talk about high school drama. grow tha fck up. tryna start beef over nones cos you think yous hard. dumbass shit. eventually, we got the whole thang resolved, & concluded with a giant ass circle.
afterwards, babe & i left for his place, while the rest of the ganygsters decided to go to the bar to meet girls. arriving at babe's house. i charged my phone since it died cos it's a butthole, & texted Najee to see what he's doing at the moment. unfortunately, by the time we contacted him, they were all already headed back towards home. so, plans = fail. but i don't care. cos, ya know, it's all graaavy. i got to spend quality time with babe, & i wouldn't trade all the times for anything in the world. keep in mind that sometimes... it's the most simple things, that count the most.
awwww....
support Passion! (:
http://www.youtube.com/user/passionsf
current song: musiq soulchild - someone.
------
it was basically my second, or third week of school for my senior year, which wasn't that bad. i had some make-up but i managed to catch up with all the kiddies. honestly, i feel like i'm repeating myself, with all this re-do shit. kinna sad... that's just what i get for fckin' up. & i know that i am the one accountable for every mistake. learning is a step-to-step process, right? my teachers are pretty chill tho, so that's a plus. & i always had something to look forward to once school was over... thanks for the rides home & making the family dinner table a bit more resilient baby. ♥
on the third week, i was excited for the welcome back carnival on Friday, cos you know, PASSION, is finna come through! i was freakin' ecstatic when i heard about him on the bulletin. he's such an inspiring artist. once it finally came, i invited my boothang to come along, cos he's awesome. i saw hecka old heads there. i miss all you guyyyys, btw! franklin and valleeey heads. that's wsup. then, i got my wristband for rides... & thought about which ones should i pursue first. however, it all got all interrupted when i heard Passion was going to come through in 10 minutes. therefore, i waited outside the railing which surrounded the stage, & squeezed my way through to get a clear viewing. after waiting awhile... there was two fckin' retards who decided to knockout when there's like hecka cops everywhere. they got arrested. which serves them right. finally, waiting for a long period of time, we got a phonecall projecting in the microphone from Passion, saying that he's already on Calvine which is like... 3 minutes away from Sheldon. however, the whole fckin' thang got called off, cos the cops got fed-up. we were forced to leave the premises. i was mad & disappointed.
since the carnival got done with, i asked my friend Najee what his plans were, & he was craving jamba juice. which sounded really goood at the time... but then again, it sounds bomb all the damn time in my book. so, babe & i walked to the car in plans of meeting up our favorite blacky, & along the way, we see our friend Anthony comin' by with some concerning news about his lil breh Eric. fckin' ridiculous though. talk about high school drama. grow tha fck up. tryna start beef over nones cos you think yous hard. dumbass shit. eventually, we got the whole thang resolved, & concluded with a giant ass circle.
afterwards, babe & i left for his place, while the rest of the ganygsters decided to go to the bar to meet girls. arriving at babe's house. i charged my phone since it died cos it's a butthole, & texted Najee to see what he's doing at the moment. unfortunately, by the time we contacted him, they were all already headed back towards home. so, plans = fail. but i don't care. cos, ya know, it's all graaavy. i got to spend quality time with babe, & i wouldn't trade all the times for anything in the world. keep in mind that sometimes... it's the most simple things, that count the most.
awwww....
support Passion! (:
http://www.youtube.com/user/passionsf
Thursday, August 26, 2010
those three words.
current mood: chipper.
current song: passion - weak.
"can't explain why your lovin' makes me weak."
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current song: passion - weak.
"can't explain why your lovin' makes me weak."
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Wednesday, August 25, 2010
literally heated.
current mooood: beaaat.
current song: trey songz ft. drake - missing you.
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on the daily: wake up. go to schoos. (hot as fck.) attend class. socialize. byebye! go home. (hotter than fck.) cooool shower. chill. homework. nap. eat. chitchat. think of him, for the last billionth time. sleep. & repeat.
note to self: don't be stupid. never ever walk home when you're rockin' sandals, the house is fckin' faaaar, & it's over 103 degrees outside.
& boys tryna holler atchu? no problem.
"hey. how's your day goooin?"
"it's coooo."
"you look really cute, btw."
"omgosh. really?.."
"yeah."
"what a coincidence! my boyfriend, thinks i'm hecka cute too. (:"
"...ooh... well, that's coooool...."
works every time. ♥
current song: trey songz ft. drake - missing you.
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on the daily: wake up. go to schoos. (hot as fck.) attend class. socialize. byebye! go home. (hotter than fck.) cooool shower. chill. homework. nap. eat. chitchat. think of him, for the last billionth time. sleep. & repeat.
note to self: don't be stupid. never ever walk home when you're rockin' sandals, the house is fckin' faaaar, & it's over 103 degrees outside.
& boys tryna holler atchu? no problem.
"hey. how's your day goooin?"
"it's coooo."
"you look really cute, btw."
"omgosh. really?.."
"yeah."
"what a coincidence! my boyfriend, thinks i'm hecka cute too. (:"
"...ooh... well, that's coooool...."
works every time. ♥
that's impossible to ignore.
Collab; Shaun Evaristo & Jillian Meyers.
daring, beautiful, & simply amazing.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
lesson learned.
current mood: golden.
current song: lil wayne ft. drake - right above it.
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reflecting back on the events that occurred in my life, i've learned so many things. above all, i think one of the most essential lessons that we are knowledgeable as a human being is to not hold on to any grudges. staying mad at someone isn't going to make life any richer. it's just going to hold us back from all the positive feelings that we could've been having. especially, someone who's close to us. in this world, everybody are prone to make mistakes in life, & there's nothing wrong about that cos nobody's perfect. why hold resentment if it is two words away from everything being fixed, "i'm sorry." forgiveness is prerequisite cos before you know it, there won't be any memory to as what was being bickered about, & the door opens a chance for something that can be potentially really good. surely, i am not the most perfect person. i am one of many mistakes, but i always try my very best to make amends, apologize, & accept all of my faults. God said that in order to be forgiven for our sins, we must forgive the person who has given us grievance. always carry love for the people who imprinted meaning to our lifes, such as friends & family. but also, to love our enemies. don't hate, but wish nothing but the best for them. be happy for their happiness, even if there has been little or no contact with that person anymore. we only get to live once; withdraw from all the resentment. enjoy the simple things. take chances for that unconditional love. forgive & forget.
current song: lil wayne ft. drake - right above it.
------
reflecting back on the events that occurred in my life, i've learned so many things. above all, i think one of the most essential lessons that we are knowledgeable as a human being is to not hold on to any grudges. staying mad at someone isn't going to make life any richer. it's just going to hold us back from all the positive feelings that we could've been having. especially, someone who's close to us. in this world, everybody are prone to make mistakes in life, & there's nothing wrong about that cos nobody's perfect. why hold resentment if it is two words away from everything being fixed, "i'm sorry." forgiveness is prerequisite cos before you know it, there won't be any memory to as what was being bickered about, & the door opens a chance for something that can be potentially really good. surely, i am not the most perfect person. i am one of many mistakes, but i always try my very best to make amends, apologize, & accept all of my faults. God said that in order to be forgiven for our sins, we must forgive the person who has given us grievance. always carry love for the people who imprinted meaning to our lifes, such as friends & family. but also, to love our enemies. don't hate, but wish nothing but the best for them. be happy for their happiness, even if there has been little or no contact with that person anymore. we only get to live once; withdraw from all the resentment. enjoy the simple things. take chances for that unconditional love. forgive & forget.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
you're kidding me...
current mood: djsakdjasfuckyou.
current song: t.i. ft. alfamega & busta rhymes - hurt.
------
alrighty parents, we made a fucking deal...
when it's the fuckin' weekend, i get to go where ever, stay where ever, & do whatever the fuck i want to. weekdays; i stay home, do my homework, focus in school. gotcha. I UNDERSTAND THAT, & i thought you did too, but i guess you're just plain stupid.
putting this fckin' third lock & locking me in this damn house, ain't finna want me stay the fuck home. it makes me want to get outta this hellhole even more. that lock, symbolizes imprisonment for me. you guys don't have nobody, no friends, no nothing. so you wouldn't understand. this home, is ALL you have. i don't, i have bigger things, i need friends. me staying home, MEANS absolutely nothing to you & you know it. do you guys talk to me? no. do we ever go anywhere together? no. i'm just in my room, all damn day, doin' my own thang, while you guys do yours. so, to me, it's like i'm in an empty house. i don't see any point of me staying at this dumb house.
whatever though, i'm going to continue to get the fuck out of here on the damn weekends, & it's only going to be more of a burden for you guys.
seroussssly? fuck you, fuck this house, fuck how retarded you guys are. wait until i'm 18... in one year, i'm outta this bitch, & your dumbasses can't say shit. -_-
current song: t.i. ft. alfamega & busta rhymes - hurt.
------
alrighty parents, we made a fucking deal...
when it's the fuckin' weekend, i get to go where ever, stay where ever, & do whatever the fuck i want to. weekdays; i stay home, do my homework, focus in school. gotcha. I UNDERSTAND THAT, & i thought you did too, but i guess you're just plain stupid.
putting this fckin' third lock & locking me in this damn house, ain't finna want me stay the fuck home. it makes me want to get outta this hellhole even more. that lock, symbolizes imprisonment for me. you guys don't have nobody, no friends, no nothing. so you wouldn't understand. this home, is ALL you have. i don't, i have bigger things, i need friends. me staying home, MEANS absolutely nothing to you & you know it. do you guys talk to me? no. do we ever go anywhere together? no. i'm just in my room, all damn day, doin' my own thang, while you guys do yours. so, to me, it's like i'm in an empty house. i don't see any point of me staying at this dumb house.
whatever though, i'm going to continue to get the fuck out of here on the damn weekends, & it's only going to be more of a burden for you guys.
seroussssly? fuck you, fuck this house, fuck how retarded you guys are. wait until i'm 18... in one year, i'm outta this bitch, & your dumbasses can't say shit. -_-
Friday, August 20, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
a happy ending.
current mood: dilberate.
current song: gwen stefani - cool.
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"I think when you are young, you are hoping that this person will be the right one, the one you are going to be in love with forever, but sometimes you want that so much you create something that isn’t really there."
- Johnny Depp
there has been a point in our lives where we live with the struggle of not-knowing. being unsure of our present, and the anxiety of what's the outcome of our future. by avoiding this solicitude state, we tend to dwell within the past, reminiscing on all the good times, & the anticipated future that was created within that long, or short period of time with that significant other. there has been an expectation on time, & as it slowly progresses, the deeper the imprint of that person within our hearts & the more vulnerable that we become... falling in love. finally reaching head over heels. we hope for all of the best things that may come, entrusting ourselves that this love, will be the conquerer to every conflict. however, what happens when the conflict(s) becomes too frequent? everything slowly begins to fall apart, the love gradually deteriorates, & when it is, we put ourselves in that reminiscent state... tightening our grips to all the history that was made with one another. once, the love has clearly been faded, abnegation develops on how everything can possibly come to an end. so, we put our best foot forward trying to make things work by lying to ourselves, fabricating our emotions to the past & neglecting the present ones. eventually, the conflict(s) arises again to the point where it cannot be fixed & it brings us to the realization... that no matter how hard we try to stabilize the relationship, everything is bound to fall apart sooner or later. therefore, the last option, the only option that we thought would never dream of choosing is apparent... letting go.
i was in this place once.. i held onto the memories. i had the the trouble of overcoming the fear of moving on. even though, i knew i deserve better. i worked hard for the relationship to progress forward, sacrificing my pride for that slight state of happiness. eventually, the conflict(s) became too overwhelming and it hit me that this love... was completely gone. i wasn't achieving any source of happiness. just pain. why was i fighting for nothing? it was exhausting to realize that i was running into several streets that lead me nowhere but dead ends. & the only choice that i neglected for so long became clear to me, it was to just let it go.
nothing is perfect. it can't be helped when a love is at its downfall. we always have keep in mind that the world is in a constant change as long as the time continues to trickle away. nothing ever stays the same no matter how much we would like it to. as seasons change, so do people. within time, they either come together or grow apart. if it was fated to be, then love will find a way to make it work. don't create artificial emotions for the sake of the history that was created. the past is the past. & whatever happens, happens for a reason. stay positive. always have your head held high, & hope that possibly every bitter ending could be leading us towards a brighter beginning with someone truly meant for us.
current song: gwen stefani - cool.
-------
"I think when you are young, you are hoping that this person will be the right one, the one you are going to be in love with forever, but sometimes you want that so much you create something that isn’t really there."
- Johnny Depp
there has been a point in our lives where we live with the struggle of not-knowing. being unsure of our present, and the anxiety of what's the outcome of our future. by avoiding this solicitude state, we tend to dwell within the past, reminiscing on all the good times, & the anticipated future that was created within that long, or short period of time with that significant other. there has been an expectation on time, & as it slowly progresses, the deeper the imprint of that person within our hearts & the more vulnerable that we become... falling in love. finally reaching head over heels. we hope for all of the best things that may come, entrusting ourselves that this love, will be the conquerer to every conflict. however, what happens when the conflict(s) becomes too frequent? everything slowly begins to fall apart, the love gradually deteriorates, & when it is, we put ourselves in that reminiscent state... tightening our grips to all the history that was made with one another. once, the love has clearly been faded, abnegation develops on how everything can possibly come to an end. so, we put our best foot forward trying to make things work by lying to ourselves, fabricating our emotions to the past & neglecting the present ones. eventually, the conflict(s) arises again to the point where it cannot be fixed & it brings us to the realization... that no matter how hard we try to stabilize the relationship, everything is bound to fall apart sooner or later. therefore, the last option, the only option that we thought would never dream of choosing is apparent... letting go.
i was in this place once.. i held onto the memories. i had the the trouble of overcoming the fear of moving on. even though, i knew i deserve better. i worked hard for the relationship to progress forward, sacrificing my pride for that slight state of happiness. eventually, the conflict(s) became too overwhelming and it hit me that this love... was completely gone. i wasn't achieving any source of happiness. just pain. why was i fighting for nothing? it was exhausting to realize that i was running into several streets that lead me nowhere but dead ends. & the only choice that i neglected for so long became clear to me, it was to just let it go.
nothing is perfect. it can't be helped when a love is at its downfall. we always have keep in mind that the world is in a constant change as long as the time continues to trickle away. nothing ever stays the same no matter how much we would like it to. as seasons change, so do people. within time, they either come together or grow apart. if it was fated to be, then love will find a way to make it work. don't create artificial emotions for the sake of the history that was created. the past is the past. & whatever happens, happens for a reason. stay positive. always have your head held high, & hope that possibly every bitter ending could be leading us towards a brighter beginning with someone truly meant for us.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
a key to happiness.
current mood: brighter.
current song (OF THE FCKIN DAY BABE.): chris ft. tyga - number one.
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current song (OF THE FCKIN DAY BABE.): chris ft. tyga - number one.
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Monday, August 16, 2010
stay positive.
current song: bei major ft. keri hilson - gamez.
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"Above all, I believe that you should keep your head up. Even through all of this, you can become stronger where life broke you. Not only for yourself, but for everyone around you. You can be a shining beacon of hope for those around you that ever experience unreal adversity. I do believe you have that potential. You can do this. Get up, get out there, and shine your light on the world."
- Dhan Bautista
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"Above all, I believe that you should keep your head up. Even through all of this, you can become stronger where life broke you. Not only for yourself, but for everyone around you. You can be a shining beacon of hope for those around you that ever experience unreal adversity. I do believe you have that potential. You can do this. Get up, get out there, and shine your light on the world."
- Dhan Bautista
Sunday, August 15, 2010
oooh noes!
current mood: anticipated.
current song: the postal service - the district sleeps alone tonight.
------
i arrive home & i open the door to my room. i glanced around realizing that my mom told my dad to rearrange MY room cos she believes in this bullshit about the bed facing the door means that you die early. but, her ass is freakin' hypocritical cos she tells me she wishes i was dead all the time. plus, my bed was like that at our previous house. i don't get what her damn problem is. hecka trippin. then, i decided to shower to cool down. but, i got even more angry, & once i was done, i hopped out & rearranged my room back to the way it was, naked. beeeastin' breeh. i hate how people change up peoples shit and all that without permission. i get that she's my mom. but still, i know she'd get mad if i touch or rearrange her shit. so, don't do it that with mines.
damn tho. it just hit me that my summer is finally over, everything went by too fast. i can't believe i'm actually finna start my last year of high school tomorrow. i still remember when i was a freshman. fuck husky pride tho, dropped my ass outta no where. now, i gotsa go earlier tomorrow to re enroll myself. grrrr. they better give me the classes i need. ):< i'm hecka hyped to get the out i'm just worried about the senior projects and everythingg. oh wells, hope it goooes goooood, or imma pick up the world and drop it on your fckin heaaad, hop up in my spaceship & leave earth. mothafuckaa, i'm goooone.
current song: the postal service - the district sleeps alone tonight.
------
i arrive home & i open the door to my room. i glanced around realizing that my mom told my dad to rearrange MY room cos she believes in this bullshit about the bed facing the door means that you die early. but, her ass is freakin' hypocritical cos she tells me she wishes i was dead all the time. plus, my bed was like that at our previous house. i don't get what her damn problem is. hecka trippin. then, i decided to shower to cool down. but, i got even more angry, & once i was done, i hopped out & rearranged my room back to the way it was, naked. beeeastin' breeh. i hate how people change up peoples shit and all that without permission. i get that she's my mom. but still, i know she'd get mad if i touch or rearrange her shit. so, don't do it that with mines.
damn tho. it just hit me that my summer is finally over, everything went by too fast. i can't believe i'm actually finna start my last year of high school tomorrow. i still remember when i was a freshman. fuck husky pride tho, dropped my ass outta no where. now, i gotsa go earlier tomorrow to re enroll myself. grrrr. they better give me the classes i need. ):< i'm hecka hyped to get the out i'm just worried about the senior projects and everythingg. oh wells, hope it goooes goooood, or imma pick up the world and drop it on your fckin heaaad, hop up in my spaceship & leave earth. mothafuckaa, i'm goooone.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
love ma ho(s).
current mood: nuzzly.
current song: babe chewing... chomp chomp om nom nom. BOMP? aheehaha.
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my birthday was obviously over... over... but to them.. it was FAR from over.. teaching me their language, rosetta stoneee. but chyeah. i thought it was going to be a regular chill day, watching them play NBA playoffs like usual. until, i looked inside my purse and i had no... more... tampons. nooooooo. )': then babe suggested that we go get some. & i was like... stop wasting money with cho ballin ass. therefore, we went to savemart and i copped some tampons instead. got that five fingaaa discount all daaaaaay.
once we got home. & i always expected babe to bust out the keys to the crib, crib, crib. but naaaaah, he rung the doorbell. & i hear mr. andy ho, yell out "it's open." i'm like... tha fuck. these kiddos never answer the door when gangsta breeeh phi comes through. when we got in the house... i see, the three little brehbrehs standing, with a nice cake with my sexy name on it, "tam pham." & i wanted to just cry again. but, my eyes were hurtin tooo bad today. ): it was the cutest thang everrr. they were all singing like little angelsss. :') i was so the surprisedddd. i realized, those ninjas planned this before leaving the house. they are too good. way gooood.
thank you, ngoc, son, andy, & BABE. i love you guys. you're the awesomest prime fambam. >:) oh yeeeeeee. i can watch rated R movies in theaters now. ♥
yummmmmmaaaaay in my tummaaaaay. (x
current song: babe chewing... chomp chomp om nom nom. BOMP? aheehaha.
-------
my birthday was obviously over... over... but to them.. it was FAR from over.. teaching me their language, rosetta stoneee. but chyeah. i thought it was going to be a regular chill day, watching them play NBA playoffs like usual. until, i looked inside my purse and i had no... more... tampons. nooooooo. )': then babe suggested that we go get some. & i was like... stop wasting money with cho ballin ass. therefore, we went to savemart and i copped some tampons instead. got that five fingaaa discount all daaaaaay.
once we got home. & i always expected babe to bust out the keys to the crib, crib, crib. but naaaaah, he rung the doorbell. & i hear mr. andy ho, yell out "it's open." i'm like... tha fuck. these kiddos never answer the door when gangsta breeeh phi comes through. when we got in the house... i see, the three little brehbrehs standing, with a nice cake with my sexy name on it, "tam pham." & i wanted to just cry again. but, my eyes were hurtin tooo bad today. ): it was the cutest thang everrr. they were all singing like little angelsss. :') i was so the surprisedddd. i realized, those ninjas planned this before leaving the house. they are too good. way gooood.
thank you, ngoc, son, andy, & BABE. i love you guys. you're the awesomest prime fambam. >:) oh yeeeeeee. i can watch rated R movies in theaters now. ♥
yummmmmmaaaaay in my tummaaaaay. (x
Friday, August 13, 2010
unforgivable.
current mood: downbeat.
current song: pleasure p. ft. lil wayne - rock bottom.
"i just wanna go back, take it way back, all the way back, start again, do it over..."
------
august 12;
i'm never really proud of my birthday. just like how i think i'm just another girl, this day... is just another day. nothing special ever happens. & this year, when i thought things were going to have a different outcome since i was with someone who i really cared about. everything just went downhill. there were many misunderstandings, and to top it off... i hurt him, in the worst way i could think of. i feel like a horrible person, and a extremely bad girlfriend. he planned to surprise me. he gave me one of the best gifts i ever received. though, i know... i don't deserve shit. i really fucked up. i wanna take everything back so bad. i wish the night didn't turn out that way. but it did... it happened. i regret every single thing that was said. & i hate how the only thing i can do once more, is apologize, so many times after every fuck up that i initiated. i never felt so down in my life, or bawled out for someone as hard as this. i must really love him. he's an amazing boyfriend. & i am one filled with flaws. i'm wrong. i'm not good enough for him. i don't understand why he would put up with me after all this bullshit from my stupid self. he tells me, its cos he loves me, but why would someone love a person who ends up hurting them constantly?
current song: pleasure p. ft. lil wayne - rock bottom.
"i just wanna go back, take it way back, all the way back, start again, do it over..."
------
august 12;
i'm never really proud of my birthday. just like how i think i'm just another girl, this day... is just another day. nothing special ever happens. & this year, when i thought things were going to have a different outcome since i was with someone who i really cared about. everything just went downhill. there were many misunderstandings, and to top it off... i hurt him, in the worst way i could think of. i feel like a horrible person, and a extremely bad girlfriend. he planned to surprise me. he gave me one of the best gifts i ever received. though, i know... i don't deserve shit. i really fucked up. i wanna take everything back so bad. i wish the night didn't turn out that way. but it did... it happened. i regret every single thing that was said. & i hate how the only thing i can do once more, is apologize, so many times after every fuck up that i initiated. i never felt so down in my life, or bawled out for someone as hard as this. i must really love him. he's an amazing boyfriend. & i am one filled with flaws. i'm wrong. i'm not good enough for him. i don't understand why he would put up with me after all this bullshit from my stupid self. he tells me, its cos he loves me, but why would someone love a person who ends up hurting them constantly?
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Saturday, August 7, 2010
oh, saaay whaaat?
current mood: gleeful.
current song: fabolous ft. tamia - so into you.
------
omgosh, four weeeeeeks tho?!
feeeeels longer! "that's what she said." pwhahah.
*shuttup, that works. mmmmk.
so...
babe, you are totally awesome. feels like just yesterday where i first met you with myles at lollicup. which is a craaazaay coincidence, since we never even planned to kickit with thatoneguy. it just happened. my first impression of you, was like... "wow, this guy, dresses up really nice." (; you got me interested even though i was tied down. we were all coooo. i'll never forget how you came all the way to my house on my birthday to give me my present. & it was exactly what i wanted. "the world." i thought it was so creative! & really cheered me up from that whackass niggaaa. although, afterwards we got a bit distant when i got back with him. i don't even know why i did. i'm retarded. lol.
then, around november, i saw you on AIM like hecka laaaate. so i guess i decided to talk to you even though you would sign off randomly at times when i do. & you finally replied this time! it was nice reconnecting. i guess we both were going through relationship problems. & got out of it around the same time. i was like.. whoah really? & you admitted to me that you had a crush on me too back in the daaay? wtffaaak.
as time passed, we got closer and closer, realizing that we have... alot in common. "same boat, or what?" & we both accomplished that we are besties, even though... you hecka neglected me for hecka months, you asshoooole. why you sucha asshooole fo'? );< jhskidding.
eventually... after a period of time... you got kinda cute again. &... yeah... i was secretly feeeeelin' youuu.. ;) then... turns out you was feeeeelin' me tooo, around the same time you liked me before! hecka surprising. but chyeah... had to have our thang on the "DL" for awhile cos you had some thangs to take care of. & i respected that cos i realized that you were totally worth the wait. finally, after going through some complications, it was finally made official between us, July 7, 2010.
get the exclusive, on our officialness....
http://phisayswhat.blogspot.com/2010/08/i-did-this-is-how-i-did-it.html
i want to thank you for everything you've done for me. you've been an amazing bestfriend, and boyfriend. you're sincerely oh so sweet & considerate. i admire every aspect of the person that you are, from that way you look, the way you dress, and your personality. even though, some may tend to misread you sometimes cos of it. i getcha. & i don't want you to change anything about yourself. don't hold back on anything. just keep doin' you. cos YOU are the one that i'm totally crazy for. i am a fan of your humorous side. you never failed to make me laugh, or put a smile on my face everyday. i admire the fact that our level of understanding is so deep. i can just communicate with you without anything being said. i can tell you all the things on my mind & you would have the right words to say. you were always had my back from the beginning. you really are a something special. & i love how you just enlighten my life. i have no idea, on how long this is going last.... how's it going to turn out. i just hope it stays here for awhile. (: i haven't had a clue, if you're the one. but i like you. & ooh, i like the way you make me feel.
i ♥ you, phi van ho.
current song: fabolous ft. tamia - so into you.
------
omgosh, four weeeeeeks tho?!
feeeeels longer! "that's what she said." pwhahah.
*shuttup, that works. mmmmk.
so...
babe, you are totally awesome. feels like just yesterday where i first met you with myles at lollicup. which is a craaazaay coincidence, since we never even planned to kickit with thatoneguy. it just happened. my first impression of you, was like... "wow, this guy, dresses up really nice." (; you got me interested even though i was tied down. we were all coooo. i'll never forget how you came all the way to my house on my birthday to give me my present. & it was exactly what i wanted. "the world." i thought it was so creative! & really cheered me up from that whackass niggaaa. although, afterwards we got a bit distant when i got back with him. i don't even know why i did. i'm retarded. lol.
then, around november, i saw you on AIM like hecka laaaate. so i guess i decided to talk to you even though you would sign off randomly at times when i do. & you finally replied this time! it was nice reconnecting. i guess we both were going through relationship problems. & got out of it around the same time. i was like.. whoah really? & you admitted to me that you had a crush on me too back in the daaay? wtffaaak.
as time passed, we got closer and closer, realizing that we have... alot in common. "same boat, or what?" & we both accomplished that we are besties, even though... you hecka neglected me for hecka months, you asshoooole. why you sucha asshooole fo'? );< jhskidding.
eventually... after a period of time... you got kinda cute again. &... yeah... i was secretly feeeeelin' youuu.. ;) then... turns out you was feeeeelin' me tooo, around the same time you liked me before! hecka surprising. but chyeah... had to have our thang on the "DL" for awhile cos you had some thangs to take care of. & i respected that cos i realized that you were totally worth the wait. finally, after going through some complications, it was finally made official between us, July 7, 2010.
get the exclusive, on our officialness....
http://phisayswhat.blogspot.com/2010/08/i-did-this-is-how-i-did-it.html
i want to thank you for everything you've done for me. you've been an amazing bestfriend, and boyfriend. you're sincerely oh so sweet & considerate. i admire every aspect of the person that you are, from that way you look, the way you dress, and your personality. even though, some may tend to misread you sometimes cos of it. i getcha. & i don't want you to change anything about yourself. don't hold back on anything. just keep doin' you. cos YOU are the one that i'm totally crazy for. i am a fan of your humorous side. you never failed to make me laugh, or put a smile on my face everyday. i admire the fact that our level of understanding is so deep. i can just communicate with you without anything being said. i can tell you all the things on my mind & you would have the right words to say. you were always had my back from the beginning. you really are a something special. & i love how you just enlighten my life. i have no idea, on how long this is going last.... how's it going to turn out. i just hope it stays here for awhile. (: i haven't had a clue, if you're the one. but i like you. & ooh, i like the way you make me feel.
i ♥ you, phi van ho.
Friday, August 6, 2010
history in the making.
current song: babe playing final fantasy on PSP...
------
"Some people believe that without history, our lives amount to nothing. At some point we all have to choose: do we fall back on what we know, or do we step forward to something new? It’s hard not to be haunted by our past. Our history is what shapes us.. what guides us. Our history resurfaces time after time after time. So we have to remember.. sometimes, the most important history is the history we’re making today."
- Greys Anatomy
------
"Some people believe that without history, our lives amount to nothing. At some point we all have to choose: do we fall back on what we know, or do we step forward to something new? It’s hard not to be haunted by our past. Our history is what shapes us.. what guides us. Our history resurfaces time after time after time. So we have to remember.. sometimes, the most important history is the history we’re making today."
- Greys Anatomy
Thursday, August 5, 2010
a million reasons.
All the clouds move away
when you come close to me
maybe that's the reason I have brighter days
You got me lifted, I'm so high
when you're standing by my side
maybe that's the reason we're in outer space
This is something else
This I never felt
You are slowly becoming my everything
My friends say I'm crazy cause I call you baby
plus I dedicate every single song I sing
Baby theres a million reasons why that I'm so into you
Theres a million reasons why that I'm so into you
it's more than just your eyes and your lovely smile, too
it's the little things you do that keeps me into you
I just gotta let you know
(I just gotta let you know)
I just gotta let you know
(I just gotta let you know)
You're the girl of my dreams
brought to life and came to me
maybe that's the reason why I never sleep
When you smile you drop my jaw
and should be against the law
maybe that's the reason why there is police
baby this is something new
this I never knew
I could ever feel like this in my life time
I'm in open water. I am lost in you
can somebody out there throw me a life line?
Baby theres a million reasons why that I'm so into you
Theres a million reasons why that I'm so into you
it's more than just your eyes and your lovely smile, too
it's the little things you do that keeps me into you
I just gotta let you know
(I just gotta let you know)
I just gotta let you know
(I just gotta let you know)
There's a million reasons why...
& don't forget to subscribe to this talented artist! ;)
http://www.youtube.com/user/AMKidd
a girl like me?
current mood: morose.
current song: big bang - lies.
-------
guys that pursued me the in the past, i always ask them the question as to "why do you like me?" they all tell me the same qualities, that i'm different from other girls. they admire the person that i am. i'm pretty, funny, nice, outgoing, understandable... etc. i never believed it. i still don't. it confuses me sometimes. i never seen myself as someone special. when i look in the mirror, i just see another girl. my friends, always interested their time on finding boyfriends and pursuing crushes. while i distanced myself from it cos i felt like it would pull me back from enjoying life and i had a fear of being heart-broken. however, after watching various asian drama series... it made me wonder, as to what was it like... to be in love? how come, they make it seem so good.. so easy.
i'm the type that usually goes with the flow. my motto always is, whatever happens, happens. so, when my first relationship occurred, it was really unexpected for me. since i never focused my time on finding someone. i took my time with it & had my guard up since i was aware of how bad his past relationships were. i wasn't open to the idea of being in love yet. once i was... i really thought we would last for awhile. but, i guess it was all just an act. almost a month later, he goes and cheats on me. i felt, betrayed, resentful, and confused. my guard was fully down, and he takes advantage of it by doing something as low as this. i just wanted to be alone. i ended it. after the incident, he continuously admits on what he's done was wrong. he told me, he didn't want to lose me & the chances of finding another girl like me again isn't possible. i thought that was just the stupidest thing to say. cos, in this big world, there's always going to be someone better than me. he became so persistent on getting me back, and eventually i opened the door for him again; one last chance.
things were good for awhile. i was happy on the amount of effort he put in to better himself. but, all good things come to end sooner or later right? he eventually reverted back to his old self. putting him, before anyone else. i got tired of every promise made only to be broken again. we officially ended, in a period of 1 year & a half. once we ended, i was informed that he had already moved on the same day. it was a big slap in my face, since it was clear, that he had no consideration towards our relationship or my feelings. i hated him. but, i hated myself cos i wasn't able to let go just yet. i needed closure, and a couple of months later, i received it. i thought everything was cool between us, & we can end on good terms as friends.
little did i know, it was just another act. his current girlfriend had a problem with me. & once i knew the reason. it was over a lie. he turned the story around to me. all his faults were mine. he was still the same, just out there for himself. so, i let everything go between us. i realize that people like that aren't worth a time a day. & they are really a sad excuse of a man.
currently in my life, there's this guy who's simply amazing. he's been there for me as long as i can remember. i really like him, alot. it continues to grow day by day that i feel incapably vulnerable at times. i admire the fact that i be my true self around him, he understands me. i'd tell him just about anything and everything. good or bad, he always has the right things to say. he gives me support, makes me smile/laugh, & treats me like a princess. i'm truly grateful to have him. there hasn't been a single thing that he's done wrong, he really is the best i've had. it's nearly a month, though, i feel so secure. i'm starting to believe that he just might be too good for me. actually... i know he is. he would tell me the same... about everything, how i'm the "perfect girlfriend." cos i understand him. however, i just think he's still denying all of my flaws. it really hasn't gotten to him cos his patience hasn't thinned out yet.
lately... i've been fucking up. i made him frustrated, sad, and upset on a number of occasions. i never meant to do it intentionally... but it happened & i regret it more than anything. i acted the wrong way, i said the wrong things... we made up for it. he tries to reassure me that it's not my fault. when its obvious that it is. i feel like a failure cos i am clearly far from the title that he bestowed onto me. i try to be the best that i can be, but it's all just a lie. actually, when you look at it, i'm a bad girlfriend. i'm arrogant to my own actions. & i'm sorry. even though, i still think my apologies aren't enough.
he really is a one in a millionth guy. i still wonder why. how did a guy like him, end up with me?
cause you're a one in a millionth girl :]
current song: big bang - lies.
-------
guys that pursued me the in the past, i always ask them the question as to "why do you like me?" they all tell me the same qualities, that i'm different from other girls. they admire the person that i am. i'm pretty, funny, nice, outgoing, understandable... etc. i never believed it. i still don't. it confuses me sometimes. i never seen myself as someone special. when i look in the mirror, i just see another girl. my friends, always interested their time on finding boyfriends and pursuing crushes. while i distanced myself from it cos i felt like it would pull me back from enjoying life and i had a fear of being heart-broken. however, after watching various asian drama series... it made me wonder, as to what was it like... to be in love? how come, they make it seem so good.. so easy.
i'm the type that usually goes with the flow. my motto always is, whatever happens, happens. so, when my first relationship occurred, it was really unexpected for me. since i never focused my time on finding someone. i took my time with it & had my guard up since i was aware of how bad his past relationships were. i wasn't open to the idea of being in love yet. once i was... i really thought we would last for awhile. but, i guess it was all just an act. almost a month later, he goes and cheats on me. i felt, betrayed, resentful, and confused. my guard was fully down, and he takes advantage of it by doing something as low as this. i just wanted to be alone. i ended it. after the incident, he continuously admits on what he's done was wrong. he told me, he didn't want to lose me & the chances of finding another girl like me again isn't possible. i thought that was just the stupidest thing to say. cos, in this big world, there's always going to be someone better than me. he became so persistent on getting me back, and eventually i opened the door for him again; one last chance.
things were good for awhile. i was happy on the amount of effort he put in to better himself. but, all good things come to end sooner or later right? he eventually reverted back to his old self. putting him, before anyone else. i got tired of every promise made only to be broken again. we officially ended, in a period of 1 year & a half. once we ended, i was informed that he had already moved on the same day. it was a big slap in my face, since it was clear, that he had no consideration towards our relationship or my feelings. i hated him. but, i hated myself cos i wasn't able to let go just yet. i needed closure, and a couple of months later, i received it. i thought everything was cool between us, & we can end on good terms as friends.
little did i know, it was just another act. his current girlfriend had a problem with me. & once i knew the reason. it was over a lie. he turned the story around to me. all his faults were mine. he was still the same, just out there for himself. so, i let everything go between us. i realize that people like that aren't worth a time a day. & they are really a sad excuse of a man.
currently in my life, there's this guy who's simply amazing. he's been there for me as long as i can remember. i really like him, alot. it continues to grow day by day that i feel incapably vulnerable at times. i admire the fact that i be my true self around him, he understands me. i'd tell him just about anything and everything. good or bad, he always has the right things to say. he gives me support, makes me smile/laugh, & treats me like a princess. i'm truly grateful to have him. there hasn't been a single thing that he's done wrong, he really is the best i've had. it's nearly a month, though, i feel so secure. i'm starting to believe that he just might be too good for me. actually... i know he is. he would tell me the same... about everything, how i'm the "perfect girlfriend." cos i understand him. however, i just think he's still denying all of my flaws. it really hasn't gotten to him cos his patience hasn't thinned out yet.
lately... i've been fucking up. i made him frustrated, sad, and upset on a number of occasions. i never meant to do it intentionally... but it happened & i regret it more than anything. i acted the wrong way, i said the wrong things... we made up for it. he tries to reassure me that it's not my fault. when its obvious that it is. i feel like a failure cos i am clearly far from the title that he bestowed onto me. i try to be the best that i can be, but it's all just a lie. actually, when you look at it, i'm a bad girlfriend. i'm arrogant to my own actions. & i'm sorry. even though, i still think my apologies aren't enough.
he really is a one in a millionth guy. i still wonder why. how did a guy like him, end up with me?
cause you're a one in a millionth girl :]
Monday, August 2, 2010
was it worth it?
current mood: realistic.
current song: mariah carey - h.a.t.e.u.
------
according to greek mythology, humans were originally created with four legs, four arms and a head with two faces. fearing their power, zeus split them apart, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other half.
maybe, the greek mythologists' theory was true. believe it or not, everyone has the desire to search for "the one," someone who is capable of making a person feel complete. depending on what type of person you are, we all have different approaches on finding love. some people just patiently wait for it to come their way. while others put themselves out there determined to find it, even if its the wrong way.
from personal experience, i've witnessed individuals who became overly obsessed with the idea of finding love that they create a mindset that anyone & everyone that comes their way has the high potential of reaching happily ever after. however, by doing so, it only makes one hurt themselves even more when things don't go their way. & when that happens, they believe that it's just another hill that can be easily surpassed cos they are head over heels for that person. so over time, they become clingy & delusional, relying on the words, "forever & always," that will get the relationship through anything. even blinding the fact of how broken the relationship is, they continue to hold on.
it really repulses me, how people are like this. forever, is non-existent. nothing lasts forever. not love, not friendships, not life. people constantly come & go in our lives, we have to accept that. everyone is in control of their own actions. if someone wants to stay, they'll stay. don't force them to stay when they don't want to. cos not only you're hurting yourself, you're hurting the other person for not giving them the option to leave. everything will just be one sided & the relationship will continue to fall apart no matter how hard you try to keep it together. if someone wants to make things work out. it will happen. if it's not happening, don't force it to cos you think you're in love & you're going to spend the rest of your life with that person. that's unreal & just naive. let it go. really though, why would you label them mr. / mrs. right if they're walking out the door? if they treat you like shit, they don't give a shit. & you shouldn't either.
individuals with this mindset are insecure with themselves. so they hold on. i don’t think having a "special someone" can complete you, or is the only thing that can make you happy. i’ve always believed that you have to be happy on your own before you can be happy with someone else.
current song: mariah carey - h.a.t.e.u.
------
according to greek mythology, humans were originally created with four legs, four arms and a head with two faces. fearing their power, zeus split them apart, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other half.
maybe, the greek mythologists' theory was true. believe it or not, everyone has the desire to search for "the one," someone who is capable of making a person feel complete. depending on what type of person you are, we all have different approaches on finding love. some people just patiently wait for it to come their way. while others put themselves out there determined to find it, even if its the wrong way.
from personal experience, i've witnessed individuals who became overly obsessed with the idea of finding love that they create a mindset that anyone & everyone that comes their way has the high potential of reaching happily ever after. however, by doing so, it only makes one hurt themselves even more when things don't go their way. & when that happens, they believe that it's just another hill that can be easily surpassed cos they are head over heels for that person. so over time, they become clingy & delusional, relying on the words, "forever & always," that will get the relationship through anything. even blinding the fact of how broken the relationship is, they continue to hold on.
it really repulses me, how people are like this. forever, is non-existent. nothing lasts forever. not love, not friendships, not life. people constantly come & go in our lives, we have to accept that. everyone is in control of their own actions. if someone wants to stay, they'll stay. don't force them to stay when they don't want to. cos not only you're hurting yourself, you're hurting the other person for not giving them the option to leave. everything will just be one sided & the relationship will continue to fall apart no matter how hard you try to keep it together. if someone wants to make things work out. it will happen. if it's not happening, don't force it to cos you think you're in love & you're going to spend the rest of your life with that person. that's unreal & just naive. let it go. really though, why would you label them mr. / mrs. right if they're walking out the door? if they treat you like shit, they don't give a shit. & you shouldn't either.
individuals with this mindset are insecure with themselves. so they hold on. i don’t think having a "special someone" can complete you, or is the only thing that can make you happy. i’ve always believed that you have to be happy on your own before you can be happy with someone else.
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