good kid, m.a.A.d city ♥

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever. That surrender, even the smallest act of giving up, stays with me. So when I feel like quitting, I ask myself, which would I rather live with?”

- Lance Armstrong.

MIA.

Well, I gotta say... it's been a longass minute since I did anything with this. January and I decide to come back when the year is almost ending... or should I say the world? What the fuck. I'm going through my shit and I realize that there's so many different emotions and the randomest rants I can every possibly write about but I did. LOL They're kinda annoying... No wonder I stopped blogging...

Besides that, so far this year has been pretty interesting. I quit my job at Rostinis cus my manager was a total bitch. Moved back home from Davis to know that there really is 'no place like home'. I remember I couldn't wait for the week to end just for that one visit back to 916. Never been so homesick in my life or broke either... Yeah, my mom is one annoying ass crazy lady and my dad is inattentive but heeey it's nice to be in my room, have my blankets, be in my own bed, my own space, my own place to breathe and think. Alot of changes has been happening as well as myself. I'm not sure yet to absorb it as bad or good news. For the most part, the experiences I have gone through has certainly made me a stronger person than I was before. I'm happy but at the same time I'm feeling a bit melancholy.  Lots of chapters have been closed for a new ones to start. People are still comin in and out of my life but I ain't gonna waste my time to care cus life goes on. You win some, you lose some. I guess it's true what they say that everything happens for a reason. There's a purpose for all the good and the bad that come your way. Like if something good happens it's because you earned it, deserve it or you worked for it and if something bad happens its for a good lesson. In all everything is alright... I'm waiting for it to be great. Now. I guess I'm just anticipating what will come next and hopefully this year will end on a bright note.

Dear mama,

I always wanted to be the daughter that was proud to say how amazing my mother was, how proud I am knowing that the most beautiful woman on the planet was none other than the person who has given birth to me... but sadly enough, hah... you're not that individual. Don't get me wrong.. I fucking love you for taking care of me, for feeding me... but other than that, that's barely any reason for me to have any aspect of admiration for you. I know you have a caring heart but that's only to an extent. However when it comes to yourself.. there are no limits. Maybe you went through alot, maybe whatever pain you feel has caused you to be so cold.. but what I don't get is why can't you grow up and realize that whatever you're doing isn't helping. Yeah, what if he cheated? So what. You had the option to leave but it hurts me to know you're staying for stability when there is clearly no love left. He made a mistake but you need to see why he did it. I witnessed first-hand how hard pops busts his ass everyday just to pick up a penny and you will never understand how tiring it is to provide for a family, especially a wife who never appreciates the effort that was put to earn it. It disgusts me how materialistic you can be, how blind you are to see how fortunate we are even though we're broke as fuck. Welfare? Foodstamps? We don't have to be living in these conditions if you weren't so uptight about your looks or how spacious of a home you need to be living in. $100-200 on cosmetics every two weeks? Why the fuck do you put on so much make-up anyways? Most of the time you don't even go out yet you still spend every minute patting down your face instead of making dinner. You can't stand living in a house that's too small?? SOME people don't have a luxury to be in a home. There's only 4 freaking people in this house! Why do we need a home with 5 rooms and 2 of them aren't even in use! I remember you telling me and my brother how money was more important than your children and today I heard you wishing your siblings in Vietnam to death cause they won't stop asking you for money. Wow... foreal? Just your mouth alone makes me ashamed. How the fuck can anyone say that especially over a green piece of paper. I guess... I should be used to it right? Cause it's not the first time you would say those words or wish someone would die just so you can have more room in the house and not waste another dollar. Shit, you said that to me. It sucks to know how you think that the greater the person is depends on how full their wallets are. Damn.. I don't understand you. Never will..