letter: day 13 part II.

Someone you wish could forgive you.. TBC.

Dear Linda Doan,

Awh shit. This recently came in my head like... 5 minutes ago, man. Lol. Jk. Actually, this has been weighing my chest for quite some time now. Maybe for a little over a year or two.. three? There has been series of times where I wanted to message you via facebook, aim, etc. to tell you how sorry I've been. After finishing my message tho.. I always get stuck pressing the "enter/send" button, cause I'm thinking... fck, it's been how long now? Who am I to intrude on your life when I've been out of it for so long? Plus, stumbling across your tumblr one time, it seems that you have a good sense of direction of where you're going with life & content with where you're at which I am delighted to notice that you are.

7th/8th grade was it? Met through Annie in a chatroom, we became pretty close. Stupid close. Talked on the phone and aim about random shit. Did random shit together. Eventually, our solid friendship grew short after that one sour incident occurred between us, huh? Though, who's to blame for it? I guess I can partially claim guilty. It was my fault for not clarifying with you about the movies... I should've done so before. However, I never would have thought that you out of all people would talk behind my back & bring this situation to something so public such as myspace. Looking back... I have to say... it was foolish of me for being as angry as I was, especially if you weren't necessarily talking shit. Though, I took it for something more. I guess it upset me so much cause before meeting you & being reunited with my bestfriend Annie. I was kinna the odd one out in elementary school you know? I loved to have fun, I like to crack jokes, I was pretty immature, pretty stupid... maybe even annoying af. But heeey, what can you expect a kid to feel when you got recess? aha The only one that understand my humor, the way I was is my bestfriend & a couple of others. Unfortunately, everyone whom I was close to decides to move away incoming 6th grade. There were a couple of new students, new girls, who I thought were genuinely nice people. Found out that it was now all about "fitting in" and not standing out. I befriended them, & they seemed to be very welcoming until I discovered their ulterior motives for being friends with me which was only to use me for my kindness. Basically I got my first dose of what "backstabbing" feels like & I gotta say, it didn't feel good. It hurt. What did I do to make them hate me as much as they did?

Then coming across that myspace page of yours to see that you were angry of me, it kinda opened up an old wound. Cause, all I can think about is... "this girl is talking about me & thinks I wouldn't find out or what?"  From then on, I began resenting you... and seeing how clingy and close you were with our friendship, made my resentment grow. Even though.. we tried to talk it out, I don't know.. I guess I couldn't settle my emotions out. I wanted to pull back on everything so I don't have to go through the same bullshit with fake friends who would just talk behind my back over some misunderstanding & not with me about it. These negative feelings I had toward you went all bad cause I held it for so long. Over time I realized that it was completely pointless & I was definitely selfish. I didn't even think about how you felt after our tight friendship came to an end. I know I must've hurt you really bad. Probably gave you your own negative experience that you'd rather not look back on. I was a stupid friend for not taking the time to reflect on as to why I was in such midst of heat. Now I just wanna let it all go. What's the point anymore? We're both totally different people. We've grown. We're wiser. We know more.

All I have to say is that, I'm extremely sorry for everything. I'm honestly glad to see that you found your true self along the way--what interests you, & developed a good circle of friends. The smile I gave you on Monday at the office was absolutely sincere. Thank you for being such an awesome friend before. I know it can't be the same since we're obviously different. But I hope we can start a new beginning from now on. Congratulations on everything you've accomplished. I'm proud of you girl. (:

letter: day 13.

Someone you wish could forgive you.


Dear God,

I know, I'm horrible. It's been over 17 years of my life & I still haven't found time to personally talk to you about all the wrongs I've did/done. I'm sorry. I'll promise one day I'll get everything off my chest though. I just don't know when you're available to talk. ): Do you think you can call me sometime & tell me when? Okay, I love you God. Thanks for everything that you've given me & every obstacle in life you decide to throw at me to make me realize that I'm strong enough to overcome it. ♥

photo: day 13.

current mood: hmmm? almost tired. Lol.
current song: some peaceful Yiruma.

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A photo of the last place you went on holiday.

Ew, so I haven't cut my bangs yet... I look yucky. ): But babe likes it. He likes every picture I take. Lol. Cause he always looks too good in everyone of them. Fckin' sexyass.

I think we were at the mall with Lance / Hien during winter break in the apple store since Santa happened to be there! So sad how he didn't look at the camera, right?

letter: day 12.

The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain.


Dear Uglyass Nigga or should I say... Kristoffer Hildickhead?

I really don't have anything to say no more. I've already said too much. What's done is done. Though, I will admit this--that out of every mistake I've encountered throughout my life, you were the one I regret the most. I gave my all to someone who clearly never deserved me. I've wasted my life, my time, my breath on someone who puts himself as the main priority. God knows, I was so exhausted trying to make this work; exerting myself pass my limits in order to make you happy when I wasn't feeling the same. It sucks to know how blind I was for you back then. I thought you cared, I thought you would be good to me, I thought after being so close to you as friends we would be better as a couple. But no, everything went downhill once we were connected romantically. I began to notice the ugliest side of you, that through & through never failed to show with every month into our relationship.

Never in my life had I met someone so despicable. You don't value your family. You have absolutely no clue on how to treat a girl. You're disrespectful. You're a down right hypocrite. You don't have any morals. You're unbelievably needy. You're cocky even tho you don't have anything to be cocky about. You break promises. You can't uphold friendships. You can't obtain a job since you're a lazy asshole. You put your tinyass dick before anything else. Man, you're just a shady grimey ass fake sorry little b*tch who doesn't have a care for anyone but his damn ugly self. That's why you ain't got no true homies that stuck witchu since the get go. Without your girl & your dancecrew, you wouldda got no freakin' body. Never have I heard anyone mention of you back at Sheldon & when they do, it's always negative feedback. I don't blame them for it though. I mean, who can stand bein' a friend with someone who you can't trust to have your back.. & you definitely stabbed mines.

Now that I think about it. Why did I even bother? You've done me dirty so many times & you did it again even after I thought we settled it all out. I heard so much... you're quite the story-teller. I broke your heart? I did you dirty? F**k you, nigga. That's all your grimeyass. You're lucky I didn't talk to Kari sooner. Wouldda faded your ugly face out right there & then foreals. Then, you got the audacity to call me rude for bringin' my boyfriend when your pops was gone? Don't even start, b**ch. Where the hell was your punkass when your dad passed away, bro? You could've prevented his death if you weren't thinkin' about your microscopic dick that weekend. But nope. Once again, proves how you take everything for granted. Now your mom's strugglin' & you ain't even helpin' her out. Just havin' her pay for your retarded dance tuition? Sorryass piece of sh*t, I swear. After your father passed away, you still ain't grown up yet? Wow. You're somethin', man.

Gosh, there's so much to say.. but I'd rather tell you physically than just writing. Just know, I.. really... don't like you, at all. It's honestly surprising to me since I ain't the type to express such negative emotions towards someone. But, I can't help that's all I feel towards every reminder of your name. Thank you for enlightening my life by getting the fck out of it. I finally know what a real man should act like & its no where near close to you. You're nothing but a low-life. Real talk, I hope karma continues to kick you in the ass hard for every person that you've hurt. I hate you, yup.

t(-_-t) from yours truly. (: