unforgivable.

current mood: downbeat.
current song: pleasure p. ft. lil wayne - rock bottom.
"i just wanna go back, take it way back, all the way back, start again, do it over..."

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august 12;
i'm never really proud of my birthday. just like how i think i'm just another girl, this day... is just another day. nothing special ever happens. & this year, when i thought things were going to have a different outcome since i was with someone who i really cared about. everything just went downhill. there were many misunderstandings, and to top it off... i hurt him, in the worst way i could think of. i feel like a horrible person, and a extremely bad girlfriend. he planned to surprise me. he gave me one of the best gifts i ever received. though, i know... i don't deserve shit. i really fucked up. i wanna take everything back so bad. i wish the night didn't turn out that way. but it did... it happened. i regret every single thing that was said. & i hate how the only thing i can do once more, is apologize, so many times after every fuck up that i initiated. i never felt so down in my life, or bawled out for someone as hard as this. i must really love him. he's an amazing boyfriend. & i am one filled with flaws. i'm wrong. i'm not good enough for him. i don't understand why he would put up with me after all this bullshit from my stupid self. he tells me, its cos he loves me, but why would someone love a person who ends up hurting them constantly?