CareFULL to careless.

Current mood: I'm on my period..
Current song: J.Cole - Nothing Lasts Forever.
If ya'll haven't copped Cole World: A Sideline Story yet, then you start now!

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Back in the day, I owned the label of a "really good friend". I was constantly reminded of how I am the one who knows the right words to make their frown curl up into a smile. I would be the first person to alter their negative mood into a positive one, and the last person they would talk to. If there was something wrong & I am aware of it, you already know I would be botherin the fck outta you until you feel better. Call me, text me, IM me, I will get back to you in an instant.

Nowadays, I seem to have lost that ability. Maybe it's cus I'm used to being alone for so long. I mean, it ain't my fault that everyone's too damn busy for me, right? Not my fault that everyone chooses me to be the last option. Not my fault that I'm always left in the dark about things. I'm just that girl that you can temporarily go to when you don't have nobody and when you find other bitches to vibe with or that bf/gf--I'm the girl that gets kicked to the curb like we was never down before. Even if I was a homie since years ago... yeah.. I'm just that last option.

No, no. It ain't only that. Maybe I'm just a bit fed-up. You know when you feel like you've known a person for so long even tho it's only been a short amount of time and you think they be knowin' you just as well--sharin all the thangs you be sharin, talkin the way ya'll talk; you can't just look at one face when there's another one that goes behind your back assumin' a buncha bull--naw.. wait there's more. The ones that stay close enough to you for them to call you a sister just to stab their so-called sibling in the back and neglectin them when they just wanna simply say "Hey, how are you?" Ooh, those niggas.. don't get me started on that. Once I change my relationship status, alla the sudden we ain't as coo no more? You can't be happy for me as I am for ya'll? Whoah, foreal? After I was there for your sorry-ass while I listened to you spill out your heart? Fck was your motive then punk-ass bitches? & when you're on that break-down point, who's aboutta be there for you? Wait.. You can't take a minute to reply to my call/text/IM? Alright.. I guess.. no one. 

Then you try to openin' up a new book with others but the story's always at a stand-still or closes shut before barely gettin past the introduction. A constant repeat of everything is "cool" at first then goes bitter at the end. He said she said? The fck I do? Whatchu say about me? The fck you hear that from? Everyone just always quick to judge, quick to label, or they simply have too many characters to fill yours in.

Ontop of it all. Nobody ever goes up to you and talks to you about it personally after knowin you for how long, how short, it don't matter. If they gotta problem, ain't no one ever gonna step-up to squash things out or reassure an issue witchu. They either smile in your face like they never been in the shade before or just walk past you like ya'll was strangers.

That nice girl who cares about everyone, the homegirl you can go when you ain't got nobody, the homegirl you just gonna kick to the curb when you find new bitches or a dick to jump on, that homegirl you gonna judge/assume cus of this or that, he said she said shit. I'm straight-up exhausted of playin these stupidass roles. Honestly sayin'... I don't even know what it's like to even have a true friend anymore or even make a simple friend. What's the point when everyone's aboutta dip on me at the end anyways? I know, I used to be only a call/text/phone/IM away. Now, I barely touch the AIM app, I toss my phone around like nones. Hmm, an instant? Ehh, I'll get back to you when I can, when I feel like it. Yeah, I'm tired of carin' about motherfuckers who actually never gave a shit about me.