ohana, means nothing.

current mood: fuckthis.
current song: beyonce - listen.
"i'm not at home in my own home."

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outkast, thats what i am in this family. i'm labeled as the "bad" kid. alright, i'll give you the credibility to call me that. do you know what i see you guys though? shitty ass parents who don't know how to fckin' handle their own children.
my sister, yeah, i know she does alot for the family. you guys treasure her like gold. but, shit. ever wondered why she can't concentrate on school? why she doesn't want to move back home? you guys depend on her like little babies. even when she moved out, there is still no space. she can't focus on her shit while worrying about yours too. why is it her obligation to pay for your guys' bills, come to take us to our doctor appointments, & when you guys need someone to translate? it should be yours. you guys made us. you deal with it. now, when it's too late,  you finally realize why she still hasn't finished her schooling yet. gee, good job. & my brother, tha fck happened to him? he shouldn't have dropped out. he should be going to school right now. you guys let him slip though. catering to his ass, cos you're scared of his temper? that's plain bullshit. he's unstable, & you're letting his condition get worse by not seeking any help. despite, all that though, you guys still choose to forgive them both regardless; sucking up your pride for them in the end. standing up for them. but me? i don't get that. there's always a fckin' grudge that i gotta deal with. it's like all the pent up anger, you guys choose to put it on me. fcked up, foreal.
i try to be exceptionally good; i do my shit, i go to school like you guys want me to. that ain't enough for you guys tho. plus, i don't receive any kind of support. don't fckin' take me to school on god damn time. gotta wake your ass up to pick me up. you should already be watchin' the clock for my dismissal. i ain't your fckin' alarm clock. then, you got a nerve to have a tantrum for me waking you up? you guys trip so bad when i miss a day of school, but your actions don't say the same. really, what's the point? something is always up.
tired of your traditional asses. how you think your way of thinking is completely accurate. sorry i didn't live in your guys' generation. you don't know me, not one bit. you just judge everything solely on my exterior. however, you even got that wrong. i'm a slut cos a wear shorts? do you not know how hot it is outside nowadays? it's not like its 50 degree weather, raining hard as hell, & i'm still slappin' on my shorts. uh no. you act like i'm the only girl in the world that dresses like that. ya'll don't even got the right to trip about that. go to fckin' school with me one time & you'll see wsup.
if you didn't know, respect is a fckin' two way street. you expect it but i don't give it cos it's always one big dead end with you guys. yelling at me for absolutely nothing. thinking these low methods of restriction by trapping me in this stupid house is going to make me stay & be a good kid? fuck no. it makes things worse & takes the whole meaning of a place called home into a jail cell. mind as well just take my ass to jail then, shit.
when something does go down. i'm always fighting my own battles.one of the things that i yearned for is to have a  connection with a sibling where i'm certain i can confide in them for my problems, updates in my life, chill, & most importantly got my back without my consent to do so. nuh uh, not in this family. gotta take my own mothafckin' bullets.
obviously, it's a no go with my brother since my parents kiss his ass. & my sister, i fckin' love her to death. my parents already be puttin' her up on the pedestal but i got my own for her. take in my part; always keeping everything confidential. when they ask about somes. i lie. when they make up a bad assumption. i deny it. when they judge. i argue. but, whenever i got the situation where i need back-up... some cases, i get it, others i don't. there are incidences in the past where opinions were agreed on & things that weren't supposed to be said, got put out in the open. no, i didn't appreciate it one bit. since i always be covering up for you. why can't you do the same for me? just makes me reconsider about the information i should give out. which is not what i want at all.
whatever, though. life is life. it is what is is. like babe said, you can't choose the family that you have, or the life that you want. always known that. but damn, fuck this bullshit.